In memory of Adam Cody Metzger

Posted by: Michelle Graff, LCSW, Clinical Director | Categories: Parent & Sibling Writings, Uncategorized

Adam Cody Metzger

 

1/14/90-10/31/13 

 

Adam’s mom, Naomi Wolf writes…

 

I lost my son Adam C. Metzger on 10/31/13 to suicide. His struggle to stay in his body took a toll. He fought so hard to battle a mental illness, bipolar, that eventually took his life. He was 23 years old/young. I feel him around me every single day since his passing. He has guided me on a journey that I could never have imagined. 

 

Adam taught me more in his death than any living being has taught me who is still alive. He taught me about compassion and love that endures and never goes away. He taught me patience and kindness for all others who suffer and struggle. I see colors I have never seen before, beauty in flowers that I never appreciated before, even insects have a right to be here, though quite annoying!

 

He has taught me how to keep a sense of humor in the darkness moments. I learned after his passing his kindness to others, as they share stories with me about how he helped them through their darkest moments. Adam would give and give and never understood what it meant to take for himself. I find this, through research of those how have passed by suicide, they are very loving, giving, generous to a fault, beings, who’s fire could not stay lit anymore, at least in human form so they transcend into a brighter light. 

 

Adam’s last conversation with me was filled with defeat and wisdom at the same time. Imagine someone who is dying of cancer or any other terminal illness, the wisdom, the forgiveness, the peace they come to with acceptance. This is the same with suicide, they just know it is their time to go and with this knowing, there are messages if you pay close enough attention to. Adam’s message to me? “Mom, never give up, be kind to all who are struggling and be kind to all who seem as if they have no struggles, because deep within, we never truly know what another is dealing with. Mom show compassion for others and yourself. Sadly, in this world mom, there is no hope for us, not until all of us come together as one”.  

 

I took this message and so many others that he left with me and that he is still giving to me, to create Adam’s Hope House, Positive BE-ING Cultivation. 

 

What I have found on the journey is that the living take living for granted, they do not see the bigger picture within the density of the human condition. Only those who are choosing to leave or have a disease that is terminal can see what we choose not to see. It has been a difficult journey, well beyond that, trying to pull together a program to help those who are struggling with mental illness of all kinds and those who are left here still grieving these losses of their loved ones. 

 

Suicide still is treated differently, so it is a different grief we endure every day. I honor COPE and the hope it brings to others, it has been a source of love and encouragement for me, just knowing it exists.  

 

I am without doubt that my son is living in a different state of consciousness and still brings wisdom and light where and when he can and this gives birth to a hope, a hope of love and compassion, forgiveness and kindness, because in truth we all walk this path together and we will all leave this human condition one day and join those of a deeper, lighter consciousness and with that we hold up a candle and remember and always speak our loved one’s name. 

 

I miss Adam every single moment of every single day. I miss his laugh, his hugs, his creativity, his warmth, his ability even now to keep me walking the steps of this journey of life, until I meet up with him again, consciousness to consciousness, always joined together as mother and son.   

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