June is the beginning of summer, graduations, and Father’s Day. I think of my father, my husband and my children. My father gave me the gift of life and my husband made me a mother and gave me the precious gift of my children. I think of all the children without their fathers and all the fathers without their children.

I write as a mother who lost her father and her husband.

I can not know the grief of a father. When my husband grieved our daughter, he grieved differently. We shared the love for our child. And he was the only other person in the world who knew the depth of my pain. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been more empathic to his loss. I was fighting for my survival.

“Child loss is not an event it is an indescribable journey of survival”  

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Kelly Farley, a bereaved father writes, “Of all of the grief quotes and articles I’ve seen over the years, I’ve never seen this quote before and if I had, it didn’t hit me like it did today. I think it really captures what this whole journey is about, survival. Not only are we all trying to survive, it’s an indescribable journey that cannot be conveyed in words to people that have been fortunate enough not to have to walk it. It is not an event that happens and then you move on like nothing happened. It’s profoundness to the nth degree. It rocks everything in your life to the core of your being. It redefines everything you thought you knew. Everything you thought you were. It truly is an indescribable journey.”

Mitch Carmody, another bereaved father said, “Do I feel sad on Father’s day?  You bet I do!  Do I celebrate it?  Yes, I do. I am proud to have been a son for 15 years and proud to have been a father to my son for 9 years. I am proud to be a Father for my surviving daughter. I am proud to be a grandfather.”

Feel the sadness of your Father’s day; real men grieve. Feel the pain, but also feel the joy. Feel the love that alone makes it possible to feel the pain. When we have children that still live or that have died we still have the same pride…That makes me smile on Father’s day.

Everyday is Father’s day when you find yourself surrounded in love from this world and from the next.”

Hoping the love & light of summer warms your heart.

Lilly

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